Do What You Love

How can we survive another day?

I recently read Uncle Tungsten: Memories of a Chemical Boyhood, which is an affectionate and detailed memoir by Oliver Sacks. And now—I must acquire a wall size periodic table of the elements so I can memorize the noble gases. The idea of reading a book and learning something new lifts me from the gravity of stagnation.

I wasn’t a doomsayer at birth, but I was born reluctant.

Everything has always been slightly fuzzy to me. I am constantly practicing the ninja warrior feigning sleep pose, which embraces the power of sublime ignorance.

Today is fresh produce. If I bought it yesterday it would be unripe. If I bought it tomorrow it would be decadent.

I love the scene in Silver Linings Playbook where the Bradley Cooper character throws the Hemingway book out of the window because he wasn't satisfied with the ending.

"The world's hard enough as it is guys. It's fucking hard enough as it is. Can't somebody say, hey let's be positive, let's have a good ending to the story." — Pat Solitano

Ok Pat, let me be that somebody. Here’s my enchanted finale.

My bedridden grandma was an avid reader. When I visited her in the convalescent home I would always bring her two things: a pint of bourbon and a mystery novel. I would sit in a chair next to her and we'd both read our books and I'd leave after she fell asleep. On a Friday when the sun was setting low, I watched granny take a nip, then turn a page. Nip, then turn. Nip. Then turn. It was a soothing visual for me, seeing her under the blanket with those rosy cheeks. At the time I was reading The Collected Poems by Sylvia Plath, which trained me to focus and read slowly. I was immersed in the poem "Channel Crossing" which read:

"On storm-struck deck, wind sirens caterwaul. With each tilt, shock and shudder, our blunt ship cleaves forward into fury. Dark as anger, waves wallop, assaulting the stubborn hull. Flayed by spray, we take the challenge up, grip the rail, squint ahead, and wonder how much longer such force can last."

When I finished the verse I noticed a peaceful silence. I lifted my eyes and looked at Grandma's gentle face. Was she? … Oh no. The mystery slid out of her hand, bounced off the comforter, and thudded against the dusty wooden floorboard. Her bookmark, freed from the deckled pages, fluttered beneath the hissing radiator, disappearing amidst the fur balls and the dust bunnies.

I stared at her glassy eyes: absent of desire or suffering.

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Sun Salutation

The Sun Salutation yoga sequence is traditionally practiced at sunrise and the 12 asanas within the sequence flow from one to the other. Our version has two minor tweaks: We love doing the yoga at sunset—because we’re night owls—and, we linger in the poses to improve strength and flexibility. The full sequence takes five minutes and you can stack multiple sequences back-to-back for more intensity.

In slow motion.

Daylight is beginning to wane and the birdsong is in bloom. Maybe you are listening to Savasana music. Perhaps you are burning a candle and lighting some incense. Excellent.

Let's begin.

Stand at the top of your yoga mat with your feet a few inches apart and close your eyes. Let your arms hang loosely at your side as you take a deep breath in through your nose, holding your breath for a brief moment at the end of your inhale, then slowly exhale through your mouth. And again. Big breath in through your nose and hold, then slowly exhale through your mouth. Last time. Big breath in through your nose and hold, two, three, and slowly exhale through your mouth. We will continue this circular breathing throughout the meditation.

{Asana 1} Gently open your eyes and bring your palms together in a prayer pose at your chest. Take a big breath in through your nose and hold, then slowly exhale through your mouth.

{Asana 2} Inhale and stretch your arms up toward the sky and slowly arch your back from the waist while gently pushing your hips forward.

{Asana 3} Exhale, nice and slow, and fold your arms forward resting your palms flat against the mat just to the left and right of your feet. Relax in this folded position for a cycle of three patient inhales and exhales.

{Asana 4} Deep breath in as you slightly bend your knees and gently extend your left leg behind you. Rest your knee on the mat and keep your palms flat against the earth while arching your back and looking upward. Slowly exhale. Hold this position for a cycle of three deep breaths in and out.

{Asana 5} Breathe in as you kick your right leg straight back, supporting your weight with flat palms and the balls of your feet. Fully extend your arms as you exhale, and keep your head and torso in a straight line while flexing the muscles in your arms, legs, abdomen and glutes. Hold this pose for a cycle of three restorative inhales and exhales.

{Asana 6} Slowly inhale as you bend your elbows and lower your forehead toward the mat while you lower your knees and balance on the balls of your feet, keeping your hips elevated. (Note: This asana immediately flows into the next.)

View fullsize

From the book “The Sivananda Companion to Yoga” written by Lucy Lidell with Narayani and Giris Rabinovitch. © 1983 by Gaia Books Limited, London and Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Center.

{Asana 7} Big breath in as you lower your hips, point your toes, and arch your back while looking up to the cosmos. Exhale slowly. Hold this position for a cycle of three deep breaths in and out.

{Asana 8} Breathe in while you bend your elbows, lower your forehead, and curl your toes under as you push against the mat to lift your hips into an inverted V-shape. Your heels and the palms of your hands should be flat against the mat and your arms fully extended. Slowly exhale. Hold this pose for a cycle of three nourishing breaths.

{Asana 9} Inhale while you step forward with your left leg and place it between your hands. Rest your right knee on the mat and keep your palms flat against the floor while arching your back and looking upward. Slowly exhale. Hold this position for a cycle of three cleansing breaths.

{Asana 10} Big breath in as you bring your right leg forward. Bending down from the waist, rest your feet next to each other and between your palms which should be flat against the mat, fingers pointing forward. Linger in the downward pose while treating yourself to three relaxing breaths in and out.

{Asana 11} Inhale and slowly unfold your body. Put your palms together and raise them above your head. Fully extend your arms and bend backward at the waist, nice and easy.

{Asana 12} Exhale and gently return to an upright position, arms relaxed at your side.


Breathe in love.

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In Memory

"Don't hang up," I pleaded at the last second.
"Oh, okay," he said casually. "Let me fix my drink."
I listened to him get out of bed and light a cigarette.
"Just walking to the kitchen," he reported.
"Sounds good … love you."
"Love you too."

I met Kent in 1985. We both worked at the Ken Cinema in San Diego. He was a projectionist and I made popcorn. We eventually learned that both of us loved to boogie. So we played records and danced until 2am. Then we kissed on the couch which belonged to his roommate, Ernie.

Forty years later, we remembered all that—the get downs and the reefer and the beers on tap.

I became a fan of Barry White thanks to DJ Kent on Monday nights at the Whistle Stop, which was a casual, low-lit gay bar in South Park where Kent would often play the silky baritones of the Prince of Pillow Talk: "I've heard people say that, too much of anything is no good for you, baby … but, I don't know about that.” Kent and I would agree:

We can’t get enough of that L-O-V-E

I cherish my record collection. And I probably (👀, girrrrrl*) have some of Kent's vinyl in the bins. This makes me happy.

* Kent’s voice in my head.

❤️ Kent Landis Hartman ❤️
(1953–2025)

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